I Was Drowning In Front Of My Children's Eyes While Trying To Escape From Turkey

First, I was detained in Turkey, and then my husband. When I was detained, my children were 3 and 6 years old. During this time, our closest relatives were removed from their jobs because of us. Many people from our family, including my sister, brother, and nieces, cut off contact with us. Some even became our enemies, thinking they were dismissed because of us. I was sentenced to 6 years and 3 months. My husband has been in prison for 6 years now. He was sentenced to 14 years and 3 months. Unfortunately, my children have no shared memories with their father. This is an indescribably painful situation for a father and his children. My youngest son creates memories with his father in his imagination. On the one hand, my children are growing up, but they are spending their childhood without their father.

Let me explain the hardships I faced as a woman during this process. For 6 years, I had to drive for 10-15 hours with superhuman effort to visit my husband in prison. To make these visits, I had to drive for such a long time without sleep on the same day. My parents lived in a city 12 hours away from us, so I couldn't get any support from them. Unfortunately, I was left alone with all the burdens on my shoulders. I had to do tasks typically done by a man. I tried to make a living by giving private lessons at home. People who wanted to help me were labeled by the police and detained under the pretext of restructuring. We constantly experienced psychological pressures such as being monitored, labeled, and detained again. My children had to behave like someone they were not, fearing exclusion by their friends. They lost their self-confidence due to their teachers' accusatory and biased remarks constantly in class.

We faced death while crossing the Meriç River under very difficult conditions to come here. We tried to cross with my children by swimming as there was no boat. However, since I didn't know how to swim well, I was in serious danger of drowning. My friends pulled me out of the water at the last moment, saving me. We waited in the bushes, soaking wet, for 4 hours, risking hypothermia. Fortunately, there were no major problems. After taking refuge in Greece, we went through tough times. We were psychologically exhausted. Stress caused various ailments in my body. I experienced constant dizziness for a week. Finally, we reached the Netherlands. But I am still dealing with the difficulties I faced, especially the near-drowning experience and its trauma. When I close my eyes or in my sleep, I relive the moment I couldn't breathe underwater. I still haven't been able to overcome its effects. I've been receiving psychological support since I arrived here. My children have deep, hard-to-heal emotional wounds. I don't know how we will overcome this.